Who would have thought keeping my name would be such a headache? 

I’m a newly married person (10 months and counting) and long before I ever decided to marry my husband, I knew I would not change my name.  I have a name and don’t see the point in changing it.  Unless I’m marrying royalty and get the perks that come along with a sweet title, like Duchess of York, I’m not interested.  I’ve heard the horror stories of dealing with the DMV, credit card companies, social security cards, and oddly, frequent flyer programs.  I have a name, I like it, why go through the hassle?  That said, I understand that women change their names for many different reasons, like children, nicer name, don’t want to hyphenate etc.  I’m in the “do what is right for you, not what people think you should do” camp.  It never occurred to me that not changing my name would also be a hassle.

The “name change” topic has been simmering in my mind for awhile and tends to rear its head when I open my mailbox.  The hassle began before my wedding and I think will continue to be a point of concern, conflict, contention…you name it for me, in-laws, relatives, banks, credit card companies, airlines, and sundry others for years to come.

In the months leading up to my wedding, a kind relative sent husband and I a check made out to Mr. and Mrs. W.  Concerned that we would not be able to cash the check and have to either send it back to the gift-giver or ask them to write a new one, I informed our parents that I would not be changing my name.  So, if friends and relatives wanted to send a check to write it out to either husband and myself.   I doubt that this news made it to any of the extended family because we continue to receive mail and checks made out to Mr. and Mrs. W.  (As a side note, I find it annoying that people send mail to women but don’t actually use their first name, wtf?) I also think this decision confounded my in-laws who still are curious as to why I don’t want to change me name.  When asked, I simply told them that it’s a personal choice and didn’t see why it was an issue for others.  I also think that going against the grain is simply not done in their world.

Now, ten illustrious months into marriage, it annoys me that people, especially businesses, assume that I’ve changed my name.  Allow me to elucidate….Husband and I are traveling to the fair Midwest over Labor Day for two reasons: 1) Attending a friend’s wedding and 2) Interviewing for jobs.  I mentioned our desire to return to our roots in an earlier post and after months of debate we’re either moving to Wisconsin or New York City.  Of course, I booked our flights prior to the interviews being scheduled and now we are trying to fit them in while were are home.  So, husband decided to return to the heartland a few days prior to my arrival.  This required no less than 3 phone calls and several email exchanges with the airline to change his ticket and guess what?  They billed my credit card to my first name and husband’s last name.  Want to know what else?  My credit card company allowed it to be billed under my first name and husband’s last name.  This is annoying on so many levels, I’m not sure where to start.  Additionally, the high school we attended saw our wedding announcement in the paper and is soliciting Mr. & Mrs. W for money.  In the space of 3 days, my credit card company has decided my last name is inconsequential and an educational institution that I attended and my parents gave lots of money to, can’t be bothered to appropriately address a solicitation from a former pupil. 

This is almost worse than family members consistently addressing me as Mrs. W, when they are fully aware of my last name. 

So, I ask you, what’s in a name?  Why all the brouhaha?  Why assume that women in the new millennium automatically take their husband’s name?  Why the catch-22?  

Why don’t men have to deal with this?   Why did I not know about this when I was getting married?

A word of advice for the brides out there –  the name change will haunt you no matter what, so do what works best for you. 

Now, you may wonder, why I post as Mrs. W?  In some small way, I like to have it both ways.