Where to start?

During my annual review, it was pointed out to me that I need to work on my public speaking skills. Fine, I’m down with that. It was also pointed out to me that my voice is high and that one way of working on these skills was to speak in a lower tone of voice, which gives me authority and presence.

You may wonder, does Mrs. W have an unusually high voice? Does Mrs. W. sound like a cartoon? Is her voice a hindrance to her ability to perform her job? No, friends. I’m an alto, not a cartoon.

This “criticism” has been pointed out to me and another colleague of similar age and racial background – late 20s/early 30s and white. For the moment, let’s set aside the absurdity of criticizing someone’s voice. This bit of “feedback”, as it is described, was as offensive the first time I heard it as it is now, the difference is that it is being tied to my performance review and my salary increase.

I replied that I found that type of feedback offensive and inappropriate. My voice is the way it is and I will neither change a physical characteristic nor should I be expected to do so. Just like I can’t make myself taller or shorter or older or younger, I can’t change my voice. I added that this type of criticism would never be given to a man or a person of color. I had to explain that a man’s voice is naturally deeper. She conceded that she would “get into trouble” if she said that to a person of color. Precisely my point. If this is not a piece of feedback that can be given to everyone working at this organization, it should not be applied to my performance review. It’s sexist and ageist. She’s gone out of her way to let me know that she thinks I’m too young for pretty much anything. If that’s the case, I don’t understand why she hired me, but I digress.

We argued about this for a solid 10-15 minutes. She didn’t seem to care that she offended a direct report. She also said that she would give this feedback to a man and gave David Sedaris as an example. Basically, she would tell a homosexual man to sound more masculine when speaking and doesn’t see it as a problem. Discrimination folks, the very definition.

I always wondered how the pay gap between men and women happens, now I know. This is how women (at my predominately female non-profit) are evaluated on the work performance, as they compare physically to men. It’s unbelievable.

I should also mention that she said she would write about this criticism carefully so it’s not spelled out. But I want it spelled out. I want her ridiculous comment on paper with her signature on it so there is no confusion about what she means by “vocal delivery”. It’s that or she doesn’t include it my review.

Oh, she also said I should research speech communication texts for tips on how to make my voice sound lower. Patronizing much? Stay tuned for what happens next, it should be interesting.